I basically didn't sleep at all last night. I woke up at 1:30am and reminded myself of what had happened and my mind just spun and spun and so I tossed and turned for the next 5 hours...and hubby about killed me!!
A couple of things:
· I forgot to mention this yesterday, but my doctor's office said I didn't even need to do the second beta tomorrow because my numbers were already so high. I have never heard of this. Have you??
· I am still confused about gray matter I am seeing. I asked the nurse about this and she said it is just coming from my vagina. Huh?? First, that's kinda gross. Second, what is causing it? I guess the progesterone, but doesn't that seem strange?
· The Christmas Eve ultrasound. Yesterday that sounded wonderful. Now I am starting to wonder if that was a good idea. What if it's bad news? Do I really want to ruin this Christmas (and probably every one thereafter)?
· What is a healthy mindset? I am thinking "cautiously optimistic." I am ranging from basically being in complete denial and feeling like they really must have mixed my blood up with someone else's to seeing my dreams within reach again but so scared to grab them only to have them ripped away.
I can really say that I was pretty low on hope and was somewhat just going through the motions. I think it was my defense mechanism kicking in. I have just been hurt too many times. This new news has definitely brought hope back into my life in a hurry, but it also scares the crap out of me. I am immensely grateful for this chance and am just PRAYING this is “it.” Thank you all for your support. It means so much.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Someone Pinch Me
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They didn't have me come back after my 2nd beta with my son b/c the numbers were so high. This is GOOD. As for the Xmas Eve ultrasound, you are right to consider how a negative outcome will affect you. Is there any way you can move it up one day? I would hate to have to wait any longer b/c you know that its all you will be thinking about (unless you are WAY better at compartmentalizing than I am!!). Yeah!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, the xmas eve U/S is something of an emotional risk, but, y'know, this conception train has left the station! Doing it earlier or later might not make any difference.
ReplyDelete"Cautiously optimistic" sounds about right. The statistical odds are very much in your favor.
*PINCH*
ReplyDeletea christmas eve u/s will be joyous! you're going to get great news! possibly even DOUBLE the great news!!! breathe momma, breathe!!