I constantly waiver between feeling mad, sad, bitter, jealous about our situation and then trying to be grateful for what we have. I have days where I wonder who is playing this horrible joke on us and can hardly bear the the Facebook updates stating, "Guess what? Our THIRD girl is on the way!!" GAG. I just don't understand why we are being put through hell to be able to create our family. I said to my husband the other day, "I am so damn tired of trying to see the one slice of good in a totally horrible situation." It is exhausting looking for the glimmer of hope in an otherwise completely crappy situation.
Other days, I have moments that smack me in the face and tell me I should be grateful for the things I do have. A story of a woman in her late 20's fighting breast cancer or hearing the news that one of our clients lost her husband. We could have THOSE problems - and should I just be grateful that my husband and I have jobs, a decent house, our health (aside from our reproductive challenges of course)?
I dream of the day I can look back and think of our infertility journey as a blip on the chart. It is just so all-consuming right now.
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