I am SO glad I went to the doc yesterday. I still slept horribly last night, but when I woke up, I had images of those beautiful babies and thumping hearts in my mind instead of crazy head trash. I relished the thought of Baby A dancing and moving around and calm little Baby B wondering if Baby A would settle down in there! I feel SOOOO much better. I'm not sure how long it will last, but I'll take it for as long as I can!! I am trying to remind myself this is the furthest I have made it and that is a big deal!! Small successes, right?
My hubby and I have been talking about what these babies would mean and the changes we would need to make. Things like our car. We both need new cars. Well, maybe I should say "want" instead of "need," but they are getting pretty old! While I would love to get an SUV (damn snow around here) and feel like I could justify it if we have two cubs (BTW, that is our nickname for the twins), I think I would forever feel like crap driving some big SUV with just me and hubby if things don't work out. In fact, we've been talking about getting an SUV for several years, but after every failed cycle, we just "back-burner" it again. I don't want a constant reminder of what's not in the back seat. Plus I start thinking about the $$$ involved in a new car plus all of the baby gear we need to buy and it starts freaking me out a bit!
Also, the work situation. We have our own business and while hubby has the lead and is the brains, I make everything "tick." I really think I want to come back to work, at least part-time to have some professional, adult interaction, but I am trying to be realistic about how long it is going to take for me to get adjusted with 2 newborns. The business has to keep going, so I can't just disappear for weeks or months on end. We've talked about hiring someone else, which is kind of hard for me to swallow because I am a control freak and generally anti-change, but I know it would be a necessary thing. But then would that be a temporary thing or permanent? Would we replace what I am doing or supplement it, which affects the skill set we are looking for. When we start backing into the timeframe of when we would need to start looking for someone and how long it will take to train them, etc., we better get moving like NOW! And now seems too soon because how do we know this is really going to happen?
It's just hard. These are big life things. Trust me, these are problems I am thrilled to have! It's just complicated and I think when you have a history of infertility, the uncertainty we feel is even worse. I keep thinking I will feel more confident at the NEXT appointment. And then the next appointment comes and I move the timeframe out. After reading some other stories, I'm not sure that ever changes and while the negative thoughts gradually get pushed to the back of your mind the further you make it, I'm not sure you can fully breathe until you are holding your little one(s) in your arms. And then of course, I'm sure Mom's would tell you that is just when the REAL worrying begins!!
Yay so glad you too are expecting twins! There are so many BIG decisions right now to consider. We are also debating things like a new car, the work situation etc.
ReplyDeleteWe don't work for ourselves and I get a year of mat leave but we are debating what happens after that. Two kids in daycare would be costly and I don't really love the idea of daycare. So right now we are trying to come up with something part time that I could do.
The whole car thing also falls under this - we do need a new one. We have one new one but my husband's is on the way out so it's a matter of what we will buy.
oh so many decisions.. but you are right, it's nice to have to make them!
What, you don't want a mini-van?? Come on, I drove one with wood paneling and it was SUPER cool. Party van!
ReplyDeleteJoking aside, have faith that you will fill those backseats. And, you DEFINITELY want to enjoy the cubs when they are here! So, a little extra help or temporary help or not so temporary help will be a good thing.
There are lots of decisions to be made, but I know it's awesome to be in the position to make them! You are having twins!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is probably a good idea to look into a bigger, more reliable vehicle. Just remember it doesn't have to be the newest vehicle...unless you can easily afford it. There are some really awesome, reliable SUV's that are a year or two old with low miles...maybe you guys can find a bargain in your area!
I'm SO excited for you! I love that our due dates are about a month apart!
yay for small successes! i too am glad you got in for an early peek. a calm mama is better for the babies!
ReplyDeletei have only begun to think about the changes that will be necessary for 2 lil ones. we live in a 1 bedroom apartment in NYC. we don't have a car and getting one would be very silly (parking is expensive and hard to come by). our lease is up at the end of august, right when we'll have tiny newborns. can you imagine moving then?! sigh. but like you, at the same time i am ecstatic to have these things to think about!
regarding work, can you work from home? if so what if instead of hiring someone to replace you at work, you hire someone to come in and help with the lil ones. you could still be there with the lil ones, while also working.
i hope your mind will be at ease so you can start to enjoy this pregnancy after your next appt. i have been fortunate to get several peeks already and it really helps.
What a whirlwind! These kinds of decisions are hard enough with the wariness that comes from IF experience. I hope things feel more concrete soon, and that time flies until your next glimpse of the cubs.
ReplyDeleteso glad you found some peace of mind and got to see your little babies in there. i feel an SUV in your future! yippee. hope you can find some peace in your mind and enjoy your pregnancy days because i feel like pregnant infertiles struggle with this. hugs
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to have a new twin bloggie to follow!!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI had a month between my first three OB appts and it was ABSOLUTE torture. The best things that helped me survive the appt droughts....taking a warm bath at night (eased away SOME of the anxiety), leaning on my wonderful hubs (oh, the number of times I ask him--in a day--are the babies okay? are you sure? but how do you knooooow?), and listening to meditations on bus rides to and from work each day. I still am anxious, and I still rely on these techniques. They don't erase the fears, but they help me manage them.
And I think it's AWESOME you got in for an u/s. If your clinic is willing to see you outside of appts, take full advantage of that! Peace of mind is a beautiful, beautiful things.
As for your work and major life decisions.....ay yi yi. I hear you. I am in the midst of a brutal waiting game wherein my two bosses are deciding whether to let me have one work from home day when I come back from maternity leave. I work long, long hours and it already breaks my heart thinking about how hard that will be on all of us. That one extra day with them would mean so much to me....we'll see what happens tho.
You are doing awesome, Mama! Hang in there til the next big u/s. xoxo