I am being a complete slacker this cycle. I'm not sure what's going on. Usually, I am totally anal and organized and up my husband's ass to be on the ball about something. This cycle, I have completely sucked. I forgot to get my estradiol drawn last week. Because I didn't have a specific day, and could do it anytime last week, I woke up on Saturday to find my paperwork buried on the counter and let out a big, "WHOOPS!" when I realized I forgot to get it drawn and the lab was now closed for the weekend. Turns out it was no biggie and I did it on Monday. But, then I get a call today saying they have not received my faxed IVF consent form for the FET at the center and to please send ASAP. OOPS! My brain is complete mush this time!
I am thinking it's because of several things... SCRATCH.
My excuses are...
a) Frozen cycles are sooo much easier than fresh cycles. You barely have anything to do, so apparently my brain has decided to take a complete vacation from the few things I AM supposed to do!
b) My husband had laser eye surgery yesterday. We moved our scheduled FET for 11/23 out to 11/30 because the eye doctor only had 1 day left before the end of the year and I was really focused on that and getting his meds, his appts, etc.
c) I have been through this so many times that I am not as focused on the protocol because I am an "old hat" by now.
In a way I am glad I'm not obsessing as much. The time goes so much faster and I don't drive myself and my husband crazy.
On the other hand, I sometimes stop and ask myself if I really still want this - or am I just going through the motions at this point? Every time I have stopped and asked myself, I always find that I absolutely DO still want this and then proceed to begin feeling a huge ache in my heart - and so I quickly jam the door shut on that conversation with myself. I guess I have just been raked over the coals so many times and the pain has been so horrible and all-consuming for so long, that maybe it's my defense mechanism to try and not get as emotionally involved. I don't know. It's definitely kind of weird to be a slacker patient though.
I always wondering if I am self sabotaging because I don't want to over commit. The thing is for me that when I first get the protocol and information I read through it thoroughly and google every last thing until I know it inside out. Then suddenly I loose any notes I have taken and generally I am running late for appointments. It just doesn't make sense, so I figure it must be deeper rooted self sabotage.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, hopefully you aren't like me and you are just rolling with the punches and this relaxed approach will result in positive results.