Ok, so this definitely isn't an infertility related post...more like a post on toddlers and family dynamics, but this is my outlet, so here goes....
My BIL/SIL and I have kids 2 months apart from one another. We thought this would be awesome; that all 3 cousins would be so close and instant playmates (they live nearby and our family sees a lot of each other). Instead, it has kind of turned out to be a disaster. Their little girl is extremely outgoing. She runs up and hugs anyone (even people she doesn't really know, which I find kind of strange). She is happy, independent, and VERY loving and hands on. All great qualities, but in my opinion, she can be very overbearing (e.g., she tackled me as I am trying to sit on the floor and eat lunch and it sent my plate flying). My boys are not shy, but one in particular clams up a bit around larger groups and just wants to know where I am, or if he gets in an uncomfortable situation, he comes back to me. My other boy is pretty outgoing and independent himself, but not nearly to the extent of his cousin. Anyway, every time we get together, we have this awkward dynamic and it is never a positive experience. She immediately tackles and bear hugs my boys as soon as she sees them. They hate it, especially my quieter one and now that he is talking he says, "No hug!" and swats at her. If one of my boys sits in a chair, she comes up and starts rocking it. They don't want that. They want to rock on their own. She is constantly messing with them and they just want to be left alone. I feel like she appears to the family as this happy, loving girl; while my boys look like they are total sticks-in-the-mud. Her parents (my BIL/SIL) don't really try and reign her in. Often, me and DH have to tell her to leave them alone or suggest that our kids move away if they don't like it. It's really uncomfortable and I am not sure what to do about it. Any thoughts/suggestions?
No suggestions really. I think its best to gently move your boys away from the situation (come on, lets play over here instead). You could possibly tell the little girl gently as well, but that may not sit well with your BIL/SIL. Its amazing to watch all the playground dynamics and how kids r so different in their behavior. My friend's daughter is 3 yrs old and a lot like your niece - outgoing, full of energy...she always comes and hugs my daughter, kisses her in the face, tries to play with her, offers her toys etc. I know she means well. The thing is, my daughter is very shy, and hates people getting too huggy or close. So she gets worked up any time the girl comes close to hug. Or she runs in the opposite direction, or to me. On the other hand, I have seen that she plays very well with another girl who is far more gentle and less "in your face". I guess this is how they pick and make friends. My friend does keep reprimanding her daughter that others may not like being hugged and kissed so much, and that she should give other kids their space. So I do appreciate her for that. Eventually I guess they will all grow out of these stages. Also, once they are older, they will learn to play together more. At 2, they still prefer to play on their own than with others.
ReplyDeleteOof! A tough one. I read this back when you wrote it, but I didn't have any good suggestions. At my son's daycare they learn to say, "I don't like that!" in a firm voice and then they coach the offender to "listen to his words." Lather, rinse, repeat. I wish her folks would redirect her.
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