All is well over here...I keep thinking I'll do a better job about blogging and there never seems to be enough time. I don't know how you guys with little ones do it!
I am hanging in there. The 3rd trimester is kind of kicking my butt. My energy seems to be zapped, my feet hurt and are so swollen. Keeping them up doesn't seem to be helping any longer (so embarrassing and ugly in the summertime!), and my stupid carpal tunnel is still making life difficult. I can't stay in any position for too long because something starts hurting. If I sit in a chair, I feel bruised ribs and a back ache. If I stand up, it helps in the tummy and back area, but my feet hurt within minutes. I know it sounds like I am complaining and maybe I am a teeny bit, but mostly I just want to REMEMBER. I want to remember how everything felt because more than likely I will never get to experience this again. So I am taking it all in...every ache and pain included!!
This past weekend we had my baby shower that my girlfriends threw for me. They traveled from so far to be there. It was awesome!! So great to be back together and see each other (most are college friends) and it was totally a "pinch me" moment as I got ready for the shower and thought to myself, "this is my baby shower." I just never felt like this time would come. I have to admit I still have little thoughts that creep into my mind like, "What happens if something goes terribly wrong and I lose the babies. What will I do with all this baby stuff?" Do I return the gifts to people?" Of course the "stuff" isn't the important part, but I guess the point is the little bit of fear is still there - and I am almost 31 weeks!! To top it all off, there was a storm toward the end of the shower and afterwards a gorgeous double rainbow outside. I remember pleading with God for a sign when I was going through all the infertility treatments and now one came...and it was an amazing one... making me feel like my twins are what was meant to be.
In other news, we started our birth classes this month. They are pretty much every Monday and Thursday. The last one on Monday was pretty good, but the two before that were fairly lame. One thing that has been interesting is to look around the room and see the various types of people in the class. You have a woman that teared up as she introduced herself and her friend that was there to support her because she had to kick her husband out recently. I can't even fathom embarking upon this journey into parenthood alone. Then there was the 15 year old couple, whose parents had to drive them to class because they didn't have a driver's license. To make matters worse, the guy was a total thug - hat on sideways, pants under his butt, attitude - the whole nine yards. My heart ached for every infertile couple as they seemed to be the epitome of the "oops" scenario we could only dream of. There were married and unmarried couples. After looking around the room, it made me realize that everyone in that room had a story of how they got there. I know during the infertility struggles I felt so alone - that there was no one that understood. Maybe no one in that room did experience infertility and loss like I did, but I know for at least a few of them, they are going through their own struggles and it kind of reminded me that we aren't always as alone as we think.
31 weeks and counting! You have every right to complain and cherish every ache and pain. Hoping the little ones hang in there till full term, so they are nicely baked when they arrive.
ReplyDeleteWheeee! I love reading your updates. I can't wait to *meet* your little fellas!
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to leave a comment here for a while, but stupid blogger isn't working!! Thanks for your comment on my blog. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that still struggles with a little PTSD from IF. As for birth, I would totally be afraid of delivering both ways (I know two people that this happened to and recovery sucked). My $.02 is that vaginal deliveries aren't all that they are cracked up to be, but I had a particularly bad experience. I know there is a lot of literature and documentaries and judgey women out there touting that c-sections are the devil and that the more natural, loving way to bring a child into the world is vaginally. I'm here to tell you that the judging never stops from these types of people about the "best" way to feed, clothe, educate, etc. your children. One way is not better than the other, just different. And, my recovery from a vaginal delivery was just as long (if not longer) than c-section recovery and I had some long term scar tissue that I had to work with a physical therapist to deal with. Ug. You are almost there!
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