My husband decided to share our news with his family. Everything was great and I was really feeling the love with the first few people he told on Friday. My hubs was hanging out with his brother today and when we got home I asked him if he told his brother. He said yeah and then proceeded to tell me that his brother's response was, "You might not be the only one." Apparently his wife is pregnant. I feel like the most horrible person on the planet, but I am actually pissed and annoyed about this. They have been married for two months and she's already pregnant. Their relationship is bizarre at best, the marriage was questionable, and now she's already knocked up. When we found out about my husband's chromosome issue, I wondered if his brother would have problems if he ever had kids. Apparently not. Hubs said, "why would you wish that on them?" And I wouldn't. I don't. I wouldn't wish our experience on my worst enemy. Something just pisses me off that we have been married for 6 years, trying to have kids for over 3 and they get knocked up in less than 2 months. They never really tried to be there for us or understand what we were going through and some small piece of me maybe wishes it would have taken a few tries, to just experience wanting something and it not coming that easy....so that maybe they could understand in some small way.
I know this sounds so incredibly childish, but I am also pissed because I feel like this is my time. I have patiently watched and waited through so many pregnancies and I felt like it was finally my time. And now I have to share it. They live close by, we see them all the time, and it is going to be in my face the entire time. I feel so deflated, like the wind was taken out of my sail. I shouldn't let their situation impact ours. That is stupid. I should focus on US, and OUR babies, so why am I having a hard time doing that?
This could be way worse. We could have had another failed cycle and she could be pregnant and then how pissed would I be?? Holy smokes - I can't even fathom the rage, tears and irreparable damage that would have caused. I recognize she is still fairly early in her pregnancy and something could go wrong, at which point I will feel like complete crap for feeling what I am, but odds are that everything will be just fine. Hopefully I can get my head out of my ass and try and be happy for them.
Hey, if that's how you feel, that's how you feel -- no judgment here. That's what blogs are for! You'll be happy for them as soon as your ready. It's really tough for us to see people take pregnancy for granted.
ReplyDeleteAnd, hey, it's a cousin for your cubs! And if their marriage is that screwy and untested, this little one will really benefit from having your loving, nurturing family nearby.
Oh, and thanks for the blog award! Very sweet of you! It was fun reading your tidbits.
ReplyDeleteits totally normal to feel this way! i would feel cheated a bit too. the problem w/ IF is that not only dose it suck when we're still trying to get pg, but it robs us of a lot of other things when we actually do get pg. vent away girl, this is where you are able to do that. we totally understand.
ReplyDeleteI think this is completely normal. You've been through hell and back to get to this point, it's no wonder you're a little disappointed to have to share this miracle with a couple who very likely has no concept of what a humongous deal it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're so right: This adventure and these kiddos will always be yours and yours alone, it doesn't matter if a half dozen women announce pregnancies in your immediate vicinity tomorrow, these are your babies and your miracles and no one can ever take that away from you and hubs!! xoxo
Jealousy is a horrible emotion. I hate it, but it's also a human emotion. Maybe just allow yourslef to be angry, bitter that they have taken this from you. When I was pregnant with my son, my 5-year younger brother and his 6-year younger wife got pregnant when I was 6 months pregnant. I was so bitter that I had to share this special moment with them. That they basically tried for one month and got pregnant and we had to go through IVF. I'm not going to lie and say that it got easier, but I just learned to deal with it. Just because my life sucked doesn't mean that everyone's had to (although it would have made me feel better.)
ReplyDeleteHello I am new to your blog!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that everything I read here I can totally relate. Going through infertitility is the exact same type of stress as cancer. I read that..and thought wow someone understands.
I have one child who is now 11yrs old.We have been trying for another since he was 2! Since that time I have had to watch countless friends and families have babies as I miscarried. Sucks and the stress is horrid and no one understands . You are alone with the pain. Because I have one I am constantly asked why not more? Drives me crazy.
This may not make sense but having one makes it more of a tease...people say oh be happy you have one. Yes I am but it does not ease the pain.
Especially when countless tests have ruled out everything.
ANyways I don't want to go on here but the only comfort I can extend to you is when you see someone with what you want get really happy for them knowing it is coming to you as well!!!
I hope it works out for you and your husband.
Many blessings
Pamela :)