Reflections at 15 weeks

This stretch between doctor's appointments is killing me! The word is out about our pregnancy and I have no reassurance everything is going ok. My belly does seem to be growing and I've gained about 5 lbs so that is my only bit of reassurance. Things at work are really busy right now, so that helps the time to go by somewhat, but it still feels like it is taking for.ever. In fact things are pretty darn stressful at work. I am really trying to make myself relax, because I know that's what's best for the babies (and me), but it's been hard lately. I am waking up almost every night at 3am. Some of that is because I am falling asleep too early. I try and stay up until at least 10pm, but usually I end up falling asleep on the couch around 9pm. I never understood how people can fall asleep sitting up...and I am totally one of those people now. My husband says I drive him nuts with my bobble head so he usually tells me to lay down. ha ha! He has been such a sweetie lately...getting me water or rubbing my feet and helping with dishes and laundry...things that I usually take care of. I think I am getting spoiled!

As a sidenote, I called my RE's office yesterday to pay my ultrasound bill from my 6 week appt (they must be behind in billing!) I can tell when they hear my voice that they are scared out of their mind that something is wrong. So they always hesitantly say, "Oh, hi. Is everything ok?" I quickly say, "Everything is fine. I was just calling to pay my bill" and I can almost hear the sigh of relief on the other end of the phone. I think they don't want me back as bad as I don't want to be back there. I basically camped out in their office for 2 years straight. I literally was 1 step away from being amongst a handful of patients that got their money back for shared risk program. The thought makes me shudder...and yet it also makes me have tremendous hope for so many of you still fighting the fight. I know I've said this before, but I really and truly felt I was going to be one of those few people that ART didn't work for. Even my doctors were amazed I kept coming back. I am just so glad that I did.

I got an email from someone this week that said, "Congrats, MOM!" Mom. That word felt so strange. They were really talking to me??? I just can hardly believe this is happening. I feel beyond blessed. Blessed feels like the wrong word because I truly don't believe that God picks who He wants this to work for and that someone else may not be deserving. I think a lot of it was luck, but regardless, words cannot express how incredibly grateful I feel for this chance to finally be a Mom. Praying that these little babies are growing big and strong!