The Numbers in my Infertility Journey

While I was at it, I decided to summarize some other key numbers in my infertility journey:

• 4 fresh IVF cycles


• 3 frozen cycles


• 74 eggs retrieved


• 57 fertilized eggs


• 10 embryos transferred


• 3 pregnancies


• 2 miscarriages


• 2 embryos left in freezer


• 3 years of my life


• 42 thousand dollars

but the best part and what makes it all worth it....

• 2 babies in my belly

PS - At some point, I am determined to figure out how many needles I have been stuck with and how many ultrasound cams up my crotch!

Advocacy Day & Infertility Costs

I am getting ready to participate in RES.OLVE's Advocacy Day in Washington DC next week, which I am really excited about. I always knew I wanted to do more to help with infertility awareness, but I was always so broken and battered in my own journey, that I didn't feel like I had the strength to do it...or maybe I wanted to appear that I had my shit together. I finally feel like I am at the place where I am ready to give back. I was debating about participating (taking time off work, battling the DC traffic, dealing with politics, which I generally dislike), but I read the words in the email that was sent that said, "If you don't do it, who will?" and it just spoke to me. I just think it is so important that people/legislators understand the truth about infertility and that we do everything we can to provide financial assistance for treatment. This process has been so difficult for us, and I am determined to do whatever I can to make it just a little less difficult for those who walk in this path after us.

I thought it would be a good idea to pull together the numbers on what I have spent on infertility treatment to date. Here are the mind-boggling numbers:


Doctor’s Visits $ 2,415
Prescription Drugs $ 7,584
Anesthesiologist $ 1,600
IVF $22,000
Lab Work $ 1,703
PGD $ 7,400
$42,702

OUCH!

Names

We are about 90% settled on the babies first names. Middle names are still TBD.
It is cracking me up how people love to give their opinions on good names. My 2 favorite suggestions (insert sarcasm) have been:
Ike and Issac (from my half joking father)
and
Billy and Bobby (from my husband's country livin' Grandma)

I am kind of torn about sharing names ahead of time. I would rather not discuss at all, but people will say, "What names are you thinking of? Just as an example...." I try and avoid it and they keep pushing, so I throw out a few names to humor them. It's amazing people's reaction...how they grimace or say, "No...."and then share some story about why that is a bad name and then make some horrible suggestion instead. Part of me (well, most of me) wants to wait until the babies are born because then no one can protest and the decision is ours. But our families are so darn nosy. What do you all think?

Decisions, Decisions....

I feel like I am in research overload...albeit about good things...but I am one of those people that research extensively, has to have all the facts and then makes the best decision I can. I generally can see both sides of every story and consequently live in the "gray" area, so decisions can be difficult for me. Some of the things I am currently wrestling with are as trivial as which stroller or car seat to choose....others are much harder like whether or not to circumcise or to bank the babies cord blood. Circumcision seemed like an easy decision...my husband is circumcised, I assumed it was the standard, but after talking to one of my friends with 2 sons and learning more about it, it seems there is little medical reason to do so. Another example...I am a pretty structured person, so I always assumed I would be a Mom that had a schedule. However, the more I learn about twins, especially preemies, the goal is to gain weight, so that means feeding as soon as baby is hungry (not on a structured schedule). Point is, even the things that seemed like easy decisions have gotten complex. I have so many friends that have babies with food allergies (some of them very severe) and I worry about autism. I want to breastfeed, but I know it will be difficult with two babies. I am probably too much of a perfectionist. I just want to do everything possible to keep these babies healthy and safe.

21.5 weeks - More than Half Way!

It is hard to believe I am more than half way through this pregnancy. I feel like I am just starting to enjoy it. The constant kicks and nudges from these babies has been amazing. I went to the doctor last week for an ultrasound and detailed check of the hearts and everything looked great. I still have no idea how the doctor knows if they are looking at Baby A or Baby B! Baby B did in fact flip after the last ultrasound so Baby A is head down and Baby B is feet down. We witnessed Baby A kicking his brother in the head. Nice! I had a bit of a scary moment during the ultrasound. I was there for what felt like for.ever and while I think I could look at them all day, I started sweating and feeling naseous during the exam. I tried to wait it out and kept thinking it would soon be over, and finally started squirming a little to try and get comfortable. The doctor asked if I was ok. I told him I wasn't feeling well and he said that is really common if you are on your back too long because it compresses a major blood vessel..so I was able to roll on my side and they finished the ultrasound in that position, which was MUCH better. They told me at the appointment that both babies were measuring right on track, but after looking at the detailed print out after I left, I see that one baby is measuring about 3 days behind my due date and the other about 6 days behind. I know I probably shouldn't worry because that's not very far off, but I just hope they don't continue to fall further and further behind. I guess I always thought multiples were smaller because they were born early, but maybe they are slower to grow too?? Any of you multiple mommies out there know? I have already gained 20 lbs, which seems like a ton to me! I had a girls weekend and one of my friends who is due a day apart from me is barely showing. I know I have 2 in there, but talk about feeling like a cow! That being said, I still love my belly. I dreamed of having this belly for so long so I am just trying to savor this time. Now the humongo boobs I could do without. LOL! I had finally been starting to sleep better the last week or so, but I broke that trend last night. I wake up in the middle of the night, get up to pee and then start thinking about a million things. I usually lay there for about an hour and then a lot of times, I just go ahead and get up and start paying bills, filing papers, doing laundry, watering plants (all the things that need to be done, but I haven't had time). I sometimes look at the clock that stares back 4:30am at me and wonder what the heck I am doing, but I hate just laying there and not being able to sleep. Of course, I then get tired right about 6:30am when I need to get ready for work. Lovely! Things are still crazy busy at work, we are still trying to figure out car situation, house situation (we might be moving), hiring someone for our business to help fill in for me...feels like so many major decisions in our life right now. I had been handling it well, but finally broke down in tears last week. And once the floodgates opened, I couldn't get them stopped. I wasn't even sure why I was crying but I couldn't stop. Luckily my hubby was awesome and made me feel better - he is always my rock pulling me through the rough spots. Overall, I am doing great though and enjoying the 2nd trimester!

Movement!

Sorry for being a horrible blogger lately. I have been thinking about how much I needed to do an update, but have been having trouble finding the time. I spent about 2 out of the last 3 weeks in paranoia again. I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling the babies move. Everyone was congratulating us, talking showers and I kept wondering if this was all going to fall apart. And then I felt them. It has been the most amazing and reassuring thing ever. It's like little fish swimming around. Ever since I felt them for the first time, I have felt them every day since. It's usually when I am working at my computer or watching TV on the couch at night. I keep telling my husband to feel my stomach, but they will never move for him. One more week until my next OB appt. I am so anxious to go back and see these little guys and make sure everything is going ok. It's hard to believe I am almost 20 weeks! I have been feeling great....almost too good. No food aversions anymore, not that tired, no pain other than the occasional twinge here or there. We are narrowing down our crib selection and pretty much finished one of our registries. 2 showers are on the calendar and I have been reading books galore. We're interviewing candidates to fill in for me at work and looking into part-time day care (holy wait lists!!) I feel like there is so much preparation that I need to do, but yet I can still hardly believe this is even happening. I'm wondering when reality is going to set in!

First Trip to Babies.R.us

In one word...overwhelming. I had a friend go with me to BRU this past weekend and help me with what you definitely need (or need 25 of!!) and what is a waste. There are so many gizmos, gadgets and different choices that my head was spinning before we left the first stop...bottles. Different sizes, drop ins or not, ones for colicky babies, ones that go with your breast pump, different nipple shapes and sizes and flows. And then you have the dishwasher rack, the drying rack, the cleaning brushes for all these pieces and parts. Who knew this could be so complicated?! It was fun and exciting, but it was also overwhelming. The other thing I've found from asking around...there are some products that everyone seem to agree on, but in general people have very different opinions about what worked for them. The baby's preferences seem to drive a lot of it and since we don't know these little guys yet, that makes it tough. I'm hoping now that I have a baseline understanding about a lot of it that things will become easier!

A few other things worth mentioning....I am WEAK! I went to climb over a small retaining wall in a parking lot to get to the restaurant where we ate and lunch and I thought my legs were going to give out on me. I am used to being fairly in-shape. I don't know if it was my lack of good work outs, the extra 10 lbs or my change in center of gravity, but regardless I felt pretty pathetic!

Friends have been talking about showers and picking dates. It all kind of scares me. I keep thinking, "I hope I am still pregnant by then." I don't live in daily fear and panic anymore (thank goodness!) but it still feels a little surreal to me.

Started looking at day care options....ugh. My Mom says she is going to help, and hubby and I have our own business so I will have a flexible schedule. I am hoping between me and my Mom that we can cover it, but I am thinking I may need some help 1-2 days a week or when Mom needs a break. Finding part-time for 2 babies isn't going to be so easy. So we'll see...

I am swamped at work, but wanted to take a quick minute to capture everything going on so I can remember this special time!