Whether or Not to Rain on Someone's Parade

I often wonder if my infertility experience has made me overly jaded and cynical. Ok - don't answer that. But, it has also been a wake up call to reality and possibilities.

I was reading a blog post from someone who has been struggling through infertility for several years. Through her many failed cycles, she has never had a positive pregnancy test, but this latest cycle she got a positive test. She is obviously over-the-moon happy. She appears to have graduated from the world of infertility and is already talking about pregnancy symptoms, what foods to avoid, and morning sickness. She has moved on to a new chapter.

I am so happy for her. I am. But this little voice in my head whispers, "Yeah, I was that over-the-moon happy girl twice too, and it ended in disaster." I feel like telling her, "Be careful getting your hopes up. Approximately one-third of all pregnancies end in miscarriage."

I feel the need to educate others. I feel the need to warn others because then if something goes wrong, maybe it won't be quite as hard. But who am I to rain on her parade?

I find myself doing this constantly. I have another friend who is considering trying for Baby #2. Depsite the fact that I have shared my story and lots of other stories (including secondary infertility) with her, she still makes comments like, "Well, I think we'll start trying around Christmas because then little Johnny will be 3 when the baby is born."

HA! Just because she had baby #1 easily doesn't mean baby #2 will be that easy.

Why am I a total brat and constantly think the worst? Why do I feel the need to speak out, to warn these people? Do I want them to suffer like I have? No - I really don't. Do I want to be understood? Yeah, I guess. Why do I always end up biting my tongue and saying nothing?

With the infertile, recently pregnant example, I contemplated leaving a comment, but decide not to, because really - what can she do about it anyway? So I scare her to pieces and then there's not a damn thing she can do. Awesome.

What frustrates me is example #2. I try to share, to educate, to help others to stretch and consider the possibilities, but it is obvious that people ultimately don't believe it will ever happen to them.

And that kind of pisses me off.

I didn't think it would happen to me either. But guess what?! It did! So that's when I feel like telling these people to get their head out of their ass and stop thinking they are somehow immune!


I guess it just drives home the isolation, the feeling of being totally different - and alone - and that no one understands. Even some people battling infertility. Which is weird.

I also realize that ignorance really is bliss. Everyone deserves the beyond-excited-I-can't-even-see-straight feeling when they get a positive pregnancy test. Everyone deserves to dream of their future and building their family. Just because my dreams have been crushed doesn't mean I should crush someone else's. I keep trying to remind myself that unfortunately, I was that unlucky minority and not everyone needs to know or fear the pain and loss I experienced. Let them have their moments, their dreams, and pray it all works out....just as I wanted.