When you were getting married, did you have particular people that were just awesome? They shared in all the joys, helped you work out the details, etc. and then there were people you thought would be there for you and didn't bother to show up for the wedding? Yeah, I did.
And fertility journey has been kind of like that too. There are people I thought would be there for me and others I hardly knew at the beginning of all of this that have turned out to be the most amazing friends I could imagine.
Last week, I told one of my friends about my egg retrieval on Friday and I get this email from her on Friday that's like, "So, what are you up to this weekend? Anything fun? etc, etc" like absolutely nothing was going on. I felt like reaching through the computer and shaking her and saying, “This is only the most important thing in my life and you are oblivious!”
Then, I have this friend from high school....we were really close back in the day and have gone through periods where we talk and don't off and on…you know how it goes. Anyway, she recently emailed and asked how things were going. I told her it has been rough, the miscarriages, etc. She has a history of depression, so thought she might understand. So I get this voicemail from her that's like, "Hey! It's Beth. I don't even know if this is your phone number anymore since I haven't talked it you in For-ev-er." with this giant attitude. I'm like, "Seriously?" I just pour my heart out, divulging personal information, telling her I've been through rough times and then she cops this giant attitude like I suck for not keeping in touch??? No mention of "sorry to hear what you have been through" "would like to catch up" nothing like that, not to mention that my voicemail says my name in the greeting. Umm, hello?!! She always has been this gossip queen so I feel like she is just fishing for information to share with our old high school cronies she keeps in touch with. So now I have absolutely no desire to call her back....but I look like the jerk. It's just so frustrating. I try and tell myself that it's important to share what's going on a) so people are more aware/educated about infertility; and b) so people (that I assume care) can support me because how can they support me when they don't know what's going on?.... but it seems like everytime I share, I end up getting hurt, so it makes me want to crawl into a hole.
Its when you go through times like these that you realize who your true friends are, and who just act like friends.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends who knew were trying for a baby asked me "soo its been what, an year? and your still not pregnant? whats up with that?..haha". She is a close friend, and is not particularly tactful...so I kinda ignored her comment. I guess I could have explained my situation, but I knew she wouldn't understand, so I didnt bother.
I sometimes wonder if I should tell people what we are going through. But then I am afraid of (a) sympathy (b) gossip and...did you know so and so cant seem to get preg or (c) stupid advice like you should try and relax.
Oh and a huge reason I dont talk about it, is because I usually end up bawling...instead of explaining. My true friends have been silently supportive - trying to keep me hopeful, without saying anything hurtful.